Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Rough week

I hate when I go so long that I don't know where to start. I should start with the passing of sweet Sammy Knight...but I can't seem to get the words into print. When I heard of Sammy's passing...(his amazing Momma sent me a text in the middle of the night, worried I would hear or read about it from someone else) it hurt so badly that it took me a while to come to terms with it...I had to wake Mark up and read the text to him numerous times before it fully sunk in. It hurt for many reasons, some to painful to get into....but what hurt the most was how this amazing, full of life inspiration could no longer be on this earth...how was that possible?! It made me go back to that dark place where I find so much anger at God...

As the weekend moved on I found myself trying so hard to get coverage for the kids so I could get myself to Houston for Sammy's funeral. I so badly wanted to be there to support Missy. On Sunday am Kyle woke up in the early morning vomiting badly with a slight temp. We really thought he had some sort of stomach flu and we started watching him closely. When his temp hit 102.6 on Sunday afternoon I realized that we had to hit the hospital. We were admitted and cultures were drawn. At this point he was in bad shape and it was becoming clear that this wasn't just a stomach bug, although I kept telling myself it could be just viral. I think in my heart I knew we had a line infection. When the cultures came back positive on Monday I don't think any of us were surprised. Because Kyle was needing more oxygen to maintain his sats we did a chest x ray...I could tell when the team came in something was up. His lungs looked ok on the x ray but what was troubling everyone was that it looked like his bowels were once again herniated (I'm not even sure that is a word) into his esophagus. I can say when I heard this I felt like vomiting. Clearly realizing that this would once again complicate his next surgery, not only do we have to fix that pocket that's forming in his esophagus and try to reverse the way his anatomy is plus also place the J tube, but now we have to fix ANOTHER hernia. They also told us that they really are convinced this is all mito and that we need to get to Columbus and figure some things out. We have our dates for Columbus and we will be meeting with surgery, gi and the mito specialist there. His surgery is scheduled for mid October which means we will be in Columbus for his birthday and probably Halloween. I'm not sure Mark or I have actually processed all this yet...we are so focused on clearing his line that we haven't totally come to terms with everything.

I know this is choppy and written terribly...I'm exhausted...worried and heart sick that Kyle will have to undergo another major surgery so far from home.

XOX
K

9 comments:

clarissa said...

praying, praying, praying!

Stacy said...

I can only imagine how scary it is for you to hear of the passing of sweet Sammy. Definitely heartbreaking to lose one of our "family".

I'm so sorry that it seems like everytime Kyle goes to the hospital you find out more bad news. I hope that your sweet boy is getting better with his line infection by the hour and that he is up to his good level before his dates to go to Colombus. Tons of hugs coming your whole family's way.
Stacy

Lauren said...

Did you really just spend one second apologizing for your writing?! I'mma bop you one Kate. If you had written this in caveman I still would have eaten up each and every word.

My heart is so heavy for the Knight family, so heavy for your family. I'm so very sorry that Kyle is having to deal with yet another challenge. It's not fair, it's just not fair.

All my love your way-
Lauren

emcorrow said...

I wish I could relieve some of this heaviness from your heart...so much to try to process in a short period of time, and your anger is warranted in my book. But Kyle isn't giving up, nor are you, and nor are we in our support and love for all of you...

Jessica said...

Kate, I wish I could give you a hug in person. I can feel in your writing how emotionally sent you are. I'm so sorry that you are stuck in this terrible place with Kyle's health! I will be praying for Columbus to go well. The mito life is terribly terribly difficult. I'm so sorry!

Jessica

Jessica said...

that was supposed to be "emotionally spent", not "emotionally sent" sigh. I'm tired! Still, I'm thinking of you and praying for all of you!

Anonymous said...

Oh Kate...I'm so sorry you're facing all this yet again. Your sweet Kyle is so strong, so resilient. My heart breaks to know he's sick again.

Like you, I couldn't quite process the fact that Sammy was gone when I first heard the news. I can't imagine what Missy is feeling.

Much love to all of you.
Tommie

Kara said...

You are all in my thoughts and prayers!

Heidi said...

(((Kate))) Im so sorry to hear Kyle needs more surgery, just awful. And NEVER apologize for your writings! Thanks for the update, give Kyle a BIG squeeze from Jack and I-- Praying for your family always--
Heidi & Jack