Monday, October 4, 2010

jumbled

This is one of those post where I start and I'm not sure If I'll finish it or not....

My brain is fired, my heart hurts and I wonder why?

Our little Kyle is still inpatient, the good news is that his 24 hour cultures are negative. The bad is that his temp is literally all over the place. We have had to realize and accept the vomiting and constant reflux. We know we have no chance of getting that better until we hit Columbus. At this point all we are doing here is maintaining Kyle, trying to put out fires and get him safely to Columbus is 2 weeks...we learned yesterday that on top of everything else part of his left lung is collapsed because of the hernia in his esophagus. That's probably why he is requiring the extra oxygen and breathing is so hard on him. I have that Mommy gut...the one that tells me we are missing something, but I don't know what?! If the cultures stay negative by tomorrow night, we are hoping to come home by Wednesday....the hard part is that if any fever comes back, we will have to head right back in.
Amazing....he just keeps going. His strength is inspiring and uplifting. He continues to teach me so much.
I sit here and I can't control the emotions that I feel, I wonder how much we can all hurt, how many times I can watch him in pain or be scared and not be able to fix that....every time I almost feel a little of my sanity slip away, I'm his Momma....we should be able to fix the boo boos...what happens when you can't...how do cope with that?

XO
Kate

5 comments:

Lauraa said...

Best wishes Kyle's way :) Such a stong little munchkin!

Heidi said...

(((Kate))) He continues to amaze me with his incredible spirit and strength. Your family has been on my mind a lot, lots more prayers coming your way, hoping the cultures continue to be negative so you can get home. BIG HUGS to your sweeeet Kyle--hang in there Mom.
Heidi & Jack.

Tommie said...

I wish I knew what to say to take away your pain. There are no words. You're amazing. You just keep going, keep fighting for Kyle. I don't know where you find the strength and from reading your words, I know you don't either.

Just know you're loved. Your entire family has a world of people thinking of you, loving you, praying for you, wanting this to be fixed so you can all stop hurting.

clarissa said...

praying for you all!

MJ said...

Kyle truly is an inspiration. I will pray for him and for you and your family.