Thursday, December 31, 2009

Hope in 2010

The last day has been a tough one for Kyle....after his transfusion last night his blood pressure and heart dropped way to low...it was a very long night of trying to battle the his pressures yet not fluid overload his lungs..add pain on top of that and it was a heartbreaking night. Around 1100 last night in the middle of a horrible pain episode he asked if I would take him home to his family...he said...please Momma...I miss my dad, my brother and my sister Alex...then he started to cry...gosh I am so tired of this. After the rough night they discovered a murmur which he's never had so he had an echo and everything looked fine. They think it was all the fluid but will continue to watch his heart closely.
I so feel positive that he was better this evening and his pressures are now normal. Which is great news! His pain and output from his tube is worse which is concerning and his belly is still distended.....we don't have any cultures back from his picc line..praying that the infection is clearing and not moving toward his picc line.

I am trying..really truly trying to stay positive and have hope. But watching him scream in pain every day is really taking a toll on all of us....the kids at home miss him so much. I feel at a loss when they ask when he's coming home.

Alex is petrified that someday he won't come home...My god, how do you answer that question...we can't promise her something we can't guarantee...yet we need to reassure her and keep her feeling safe. Kyle is so fragile...each one of these infections take more and more out of him..I just don't know anymore.

We are down..but I seriously still cling to hope..hope that 2010 will be our year...Kyle's year...

Happy New Year....
XO
K

8 comments:

Mel said...

Happy New Year Katie! I too pray that 2010 will be a turn around for Kyle and all of you. Remembering a wonderful party this time last year! Thinking of you always! Mel & Family XOXO

Heather said...

There has been an amazing thread in several post I have read today.Including mine and now yours.Post from parents and families who have and continue to watch their children battle to be here.I find it so inspiring that even during the darkest moments that HOPE is what they cling too..... not fear,not anger,although those too surface but they do not win.I send you prayers on the Eve of 2009,for you,for your precious other children,your husband and most especially Kyle.Prayers saturated in HOPE!

I copied this to someone else's comments tonight.Seems perfect for you as well:

"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." ~George Iles

Lauren said...

I am also hopeful that 2010 will bring only goodness your way.

Lauren

Robin said...

I am praying that 2010 will be Kyle's year!

Thinking and praying for your entire family!

XOXO

Robin

Missy said...

Keep hanging on to hope and believe that this year will be the year for healing. We are holding on firmly to this belief!

Missy

Anonymous said...

Thank for you for your hard work on this siteI really appreciate it.

Debbie said...

I am so, so sorry your family is going through this rough time.

I hope today is going much better for Kyle and he will be home soon.

The Queen said...

Thoughts and prayers to your family and your "Big" guy. Hope 2010 gives you some peace.