Wednesday, March 10, 2010

thoughts

I have to start this by saying something I said earlier while Mark and I were not overly surprised by the test results it was still very difficult to process the information and to also accept the information. It is very easy to play mind games with yoursef while you wait for test results...in your mind you play out how certain scenerios are going to go....sadly they never really work out that way. I played that game all night...

My body literally aches for him...everything hurts. He's been in pain most of the day today just from the small amount of food they tried to put thru. When they took him to the OR today we had to leave him at the doors...something we have never done...in probably close to 100 sedations/surgeries I have never ever not held him as he was put under....they wheeled him away from me and he was shaking and calling my name....thank god Mark was there...I could not even move from the spot, it broke me. He came back to us and said...Mommy, I was so sad...when I asked him why he said you left me when I had to take my nap....

The day has been brutal and exhausting...and tomorrow we have more testing in the am, this is a big one and we are hoping for some good news. We need it. We are scheduled to fly home Saturday. As of tomorrow we should have a full game plan on how we are moving forward.

We have no idea where surgery will be or how we continue on this road...my guess is we will be back to Columbus sooner rather than later...I am very impressed with the team here and feel comfortable with them helping us make some very serious choices for our sweet boy.

XO
Kate

6 comments:

RMmom said...

Hope you get some much needed rest tonight and that tomorrow brings some positive answers for your whole family.

The Phamily Matriarch said...

What a heartbreaking day! My heart was so sad for y'all.

I pray tomorrow brings better news and less discomfort.

Love y'all so much!
J

stacyat said...

Thinking of you all! I hope that today is not as stressful as yesterday and hope the testing brings good news.
Stacy

McTriplet Mommy said...

Hang in there, thinking of you.

Take care,
Kara

Weerock said...

My heart breaks for you guys. You are never far from my thoughts.

I hope and pray Big has a better day today, and the results of todays testing bring good news.

Love you guys.

Denise

Lauren said...

Oh Kate. I don't dare imagine your heartache- imagining could never do it justice.

I'm so thankful to hear that you are comfortable with the team of doctors there. That is so good to hear.

Continuing to keep you in my thoughts and Kyle's name on my lips.

Lauren